Jasmine Hart

Hi, I like the couplet structure here, it works really nicely. This is very internal so I'd try to turn it outwards. For example, it focuses a lot on what ...

Hi, Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here. This is really lovely. I'd change the last line as it's a bit short. Maybe "keeping" should be changed to ...

Hi, I really enjoyed this. Your imagery is great. I especially liked the first stanza and; "where it smothered the marigold rising out of a sidewalk crack" and "knit myself ...

Hi, I love the contrast between the good qualities, the flaws, and the final line. I'd make them into stanzas, so the good qualities, the flaws and the last line ...

Hi, I really enjoyed this. The form works really nicely and gives this a real energy. I love "spiral upward". I'd cut references to darkness, light and the soul and ...

Happy late birthday :)

Hmm... I like this list idea...let's see... Ok so this ended up like eighty-three books long, so I'm going to whittle it down... The Master Colm Toibín Mansfield Park Jane ...

Hi, I thought the second stanza worked very well in terms of sound. This felt a bit disjointed to me. The repetition got monotonous and I don't think it really ...

Laurel "There are other fairies in these parts, who we have been trying to converse with on urgent matters, but who constantly ignore us out of sheer rudeness. They mostly ...

Hi, Your imagery is really beautiful. I especially like "blue evening glow" and "listening to the sprinklers hit the tree trunks". I think the first stanza is really great. I'd ...

Hi, I like the contrast between "witching hour" and more familiar images like "I poured the lemonade and the vodka". I'd change "table made of wood" to "wooden table" because ...

Hi, You create a very visual image. I'd change the layout of this to make it easier to read, for example; "Cold fingers traveled the length of her bronzed narrow ...

Hi, I like the idea here and the final image is great. I'd try rewriting this with less direct commentary, for example, instead of telling the reader "All I see ...

This is so brilliant! :)

Hi, I really enjoyed this, it's a great story, very well told and the form compliments it. I love "still as fallen snow" and the ending is brilliant-not at all ...